Their Missing Child
by angelsinstead
Summary: A Days Comedy written in Fairytale form with many Days characters and humorous situations. Just for fun!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Once upon a time there was a kingdom in a valley that was known as Salem. The kingdom was ruled an evil psycho, King Stefano DiMera and his wife Queen Kate, a sexually unrestrained and immodest woman. One day in Salem, King Stefano and Queen Kate called all their children together in the royal hall to have a serious discussion.

"What's this about, Father?" asked EJ, one of Stefano's sons.

"Yeah, what's going on?" Sexy Rexy questioned as he sat at the dining table next to his twin sister Cassie.

"Hush now!" said King Stefano, also known as the Phoenix, because he was always rising from the ashes and never died of any of the STDs he had contracted from his lustful liaisons. "The Queen and I have way too many offspring and we can't have you all talking at once."

It was true. King Stefano was notoriously horny and always spreading his seed throughout the kingdom. He had impregnated at least half of the women in Salem at one point or another. He was the father of Renee DuMonde, Megan Hathaway, Benjy Hawk, Lexie Carver, EJ DiMera, and Chad DiMera, plus he was the stepfather of Tony DiMera. He also adopted Peter Blake and Kristin DiMera. As of late, another son had popped up from out of nowhere. His name was Stefan O. DiMera and he was the child of the freakish, red-headed witch, Vivian Alamain. The king also had a son named Andre who happened to look exactly like Tony, but they weren't even twins. It was just one of those random, soap-operish things.

While Stefano was busy with his sleazy women, Queen Kate had been spreading her legs far and wide for all of the men who came to visit the castle. Queen Kate had given birth to Austin Reed, Billie Reed, Lucas Horton, Philip Kiriakis, and twins Cassie Brady and Rex Brady. There were children everywhere, but the problem was that none were eligible to take the royal throne and one day become the King or a Queen. While the king had been impregnating many ladies, the queen was birthing children from her loins which were not of the king, therefore all of their offspring were illegitimate, except for one - their missing child.

"We need to find the child!" Stefano hissed through his yellowed teeth.

"What child?" spoke up Billie Reed, the queen's oldest daughter.

"The missing one! We can't find the little bugger!" the King cried out.

Everyone looked under their chairs at the dining table but there was no sign of the child the king spoke of and insisted was missing. Did he or she even exist?

"Father, what the HELL are you talking about? WHAT child?" asked Andre who knew without a shadow of a doubt that his father was certifiably insane. The royal cemetery behind the castle was absolute proof of it. Several of the kings children had been buried there in the moldy earth.

"The King speaks of the last one that came out of my exit," said Queen Kate. "I've had so many now that they just come crawling out when it's time to give birth to them."

"Ewwww. Mom, I can't believe you said **that**!" Billie gasped. "Must you talk of your vagina at the breakfast table again?"

"There is no missing child," Cassie said to Queen Kate. "Rex and I were the last and you didn't even give birth to us. It was our surrogate mother Marlena Evans that carried us in her womb... all because your crazy psycho of a husband wanted to impregnate his Lady of the Night."

"Bite your tongue!" Stefano yelled at his stepdaughter. "I am the King... and if you don't behave, you'll be six feet under, buried out back in the Royal Cemetery."

Cassie shuddered. She had no desire to be buried among Stefano's children who had in some way angered him. Within a wrought iron fence behind the palace were the tombstones of Renee DuMonde, Megan Hathaway, Benjy Hawk, Lexie Carver, Peter Blake, and Tony DiMera. Anyone living in the castle feared for their lives, because King Stefano had beheaded one of his offspring for the mere offense of forgetting to flush the royal toilet. The others had pissed him off at one point or another, leading to their untimely and quite messy executions.

"I have an offer for you, Kiddies," said King Stefano. "The first one of you to find the missing child gets the prize that's in this box."

King Stefano lay the wooden box upon the table as everyone stared at it and blinked their eyes. "What's in it? A rattlesnake?" Lucas wondered. "It can't be anything good, if it's a gift from you."

"No, it isn't a snake of any kind, and if you don't find the missing child immediately, THERE IS GOING TO BE CONSEQUENCES!" bellowed the king.

"Okay, okay. We'll look for the little brat. Is it a boy or a girl... and how old?" asked Austin.

"I can't remember," the queen said fretfully. "There were just so many of you...and I am getting too old. I don't even know where I misplaced it."

Philip shook his head as Kristin stood up, declaring it would be she who would obtain the prize. "I will find the kiddo for you, Father! I am your best child!" she said as she jumped up and down with glee.  
"I know you love ME best of all!"

"No breakfast or dinner until the Royal Child is found," King Stefano said. "Now all of you start looking. Form a search party."

"Can we form an orgy instead?" Stefan O. said hopefully as he stared at his stepsister Cassie.

"Shut up, Stefan O. or I shall strike your Royal Penis off with the family sword!" threatened the king.

"That's exactly what happened to Peter," Chad whispered to his siblings. "Father should have named him Charles or Edward. He never should have named him after a male sex organ. That made him far too vile and horny."

Stefan O. wanted to keep his penis, so he did not defy his father. He promised to look for the royal kid, just like all the others. They all wondered what prize the demented king would give them if they actually found the child that no one could seem to remember.

Sexy Rexy was hoping it was a box full of sex toys. He left the castle and took off on his white steed. He was going to search all of Salem until he found the missing child.

"I am going to search John Black's bedroom!" Kristin declared. "I always find something special in there!"

All of the offspring of King Stefano and Queen Kate hurried off in search of the missing child. After they all were gone, Queen Kate looked pale and haggish as she stepped into Stefano's blubbery arms.

"Ohhh Steffy, My Love, what are we going to do? What if we can't find our little one?" she worried.

"Perhaps we can make another one," said the king as he suddenly popped a boner.

"No way! My baby factory is closed. I am afraid I am just FAR too old."

"You don't look a day over 68, my dearest."

"You always say the sweetest things," the queen murmured as the king threw her down on the dining table in a wild attempt to passionately hump her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

John Black and his luscious wife Marlena were having sex when suddenly Kristin popped up at the foot of their bed, staring at them like a stalker. Marlena cried out in disgust, "What are you doing here? Get out. WE ARE HAVING SEX!"

"I know. I wanted to watch," Kristin admitted. "It reminds me of what a wild stud John was when he used to pork me. He thought he was the father of my child."

John stopped thrusting into Marlena to glare at Kristin. "Your child? It wasn't your child! It wasn't even mine. The child was Stefano's by that weird woman who thought Stefano was Elvis Presley. What was her name? I forget."

"Her name was Susan, John. You're getting old and you forget things," Marlena said.

"I still know how to fuck and that's a fact," John said as he proceeded to bring Marlena to a blazing orgasm. After he shot his wad into Marlena, he sat up in bed to talk to Kristin.

"What's up?" he asked her.

"Well, not your dick anymore apparently," she said as she stared down at the flaccid male organ between his legs. "I came here looking for the kid. The King sent me."

Marlena rolled her eyes. "What kid? Has the King been smoking his 'special' pipe again?"

"I don't know the kid's name or even if it's a boy or a girl. All I know is that it is the Royal Child and will take Father's place on his throne when he one day kicks the bucket... if he _ever_ does," Kristin replied.

"Well, there are no kids around here. Just me and Marlena. All our kids grew up and moved out... and you should get out, too. We want to be alone so we can be kinky."

"But I like looking at you naked," Kristin whined.

"Stop looking at my husband's large hunk of man meat," Marlena retorted. "I have pepper spray in my nightstand and I am not afraid to use it ... either that or I will turn into the devil and scare the shit out of you!"

"You two are no fun!" Kristin said as she ran out of the room, hoping she'd have better luck somewhere else locating the missing tot.

XxxOoo

Meanwhile in another part of the kingdom of Salem, Sexy Rexy was riding atop his mighty white steed. He was scouring the kingdom for any trace of the supposed missing child. He saw Mimi Lockhart outside her little shack at the edge of Salem.

"Hey, have you seen the missing Royal Child? I can give you a reward if you find him or her," Rex offered.

Mimi was dressed in rags as she was a peasant. She couldn't believe that the handsome Prince Rex was talking to her. She had always stared at him from afar, wishing she could have him for her very own.

"No, I haven't seen him or her," Mimi replied. "But what's the reward?"

"It's in my pants," Rex stated. "Would you like me to show you?"

"Ohhh yes, please, Sexy Rexy, may I see what you got in your pants?"

"It would be my pleasure," he said with a grin.

XxxOoo

Billie didn't think the child could be far. She was the only one who hadn't left the palace. She began to search every single room. Since the palace was immense, it was quite a task.

"Little kid... Little kid," she called out. "Where are you? If you come out, I will give you a special treat..."

Suddenly one of the King's knights appeared. It was Sir Bo Brady. "Princess Billie, I am at your service to help you with whatever you may need."

"Would you help me search the castle for the missing Royal Child?" Billie asked.

"Sure," Bo agreed. "But if we find the Royal Brat, could I ask the King for your hand in marriage? I would like you to be my bride. I have been peeking in your royal bedchamber and I must admit, I really like your breasts."

"How sweet of you to say. If we find the kid, I promise you will have a chance to ask the king if we can wed, then you can look at my boobs anytime you want."

"You'd give up your status of Royal Princess, just so you can marry me - a knight?"

"You bet your big long sword I would!" Billie gushed with delight.


End file.
